I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
