He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it glows. i had to have it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
