just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
