I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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