3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
