we have pet lesbian snakes
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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