peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
