He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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