Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
