Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
