Only a mothe r could love this liver
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
