i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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