a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
