Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
