oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There's always time for handjobs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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