I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
