dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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