sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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