The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
