Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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