you win again, gameday.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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