My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
