after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
