Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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