Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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