i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
