Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
