is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
