when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Four minutes until I can fart!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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