She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
