We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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