I bet he comes in French.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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