You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
