you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
