So drunk its hurt
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
