is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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