Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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