i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
