my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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