My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
