mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
