i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
