i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am one with the molecules
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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