I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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