I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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