im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
