Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
