i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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