Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
