Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
